Tuesday, May 24, 2011
It is one thing having a man who works a lot, like my own father did when I was a baby with my young mother, she had to deal with me by herself most of the time. But he came home late in the evening and she had him next to her in bed during nights. That is exactly the part that I won't have and that I find very hard to imagine and think of. My man will be off in another country with a big ocean between from us.
I know M feels the same panic thinking of these facts as I do, but he is more calm in this situation and tries to tell me to be the same, to appreciate what we have instead of worrying for what we don't have.
But for me, with only 50 days to go, with a quite demanding pregnancy (tired, SPD (foglossning) and a lot of time without him) I wish it was that easy, but sometimes reality hits me and then it is like a snowball that just keeps on rolling and the thoughts come all black.
In cases like that, I am even more grateful to my own family and my dear friends who seem to have all the patience in the world when I call and open my mind to them. And the reason why I chose to share this with you on a blog is to show that there really is lovely, good and almost perfect days in everybody's life. But there is also the opposite, days that feel like a sticky glue and with no reachable solutions for that exact time. Sometimes we just have to deal with the worse days, maybe to be able to really appreciate when the better one's are here. But I think that it's important not to compare ourselves to others and realise that even behind the most polished doors, there is difficult things for everyone and we can only try to take one day at a time and understand that each one of us has his own reality and his own happiness and problems.
In my own situation, I need to work on the simple fact of accepting that I have so many wonderful things in my life ...
... but not everything.