Just in the beginning of my pregnancy, when I kind of dropped the bomb, one of you readers wrote a comment and said that she hoped that this blog wouldn't turn out to become one of those "mama blogs" that had most of the focus on the child and everything about being a mother. Naive and unaware, I wrote back in a very sincere way, declaring that of course not, this would not be one of "those" blogs, my life had sooo much other of importance and interest that the motherhood would only take a little part of this blog and I would continue being this world-travelling, fashion lover that wrote about everything tempting in life, exotic travels, people and lovely dining and wining.
When I think of that comment now, and especially when I read through the last, let's say ... five month of posts ... I realise that I've done exactly the opposite to what I had sworn that time. My blog has turned out more and more to be about pregnancy first of all, for the simple fact that it is impossible to be pregnant with all the symptoms I had without letting it impact the rest of your life in the biggest way ever, but also about motherhood.
I mean, you are pregnant 24/7 and from the beginning it can seem quite easy (except for the vomiting, tiredness... etc that tends to be devestatingly exhausting) but you can still walk around and being fabulous in beautiful clothings and high heels, you can still travel more or less without difficulty because of the belly. The last period of the pregnancy you are EXTREMELY pregnant. The matter of fact is that the tiredness is just out of hand: you are big and have been wearing the same comfy (but very boring) trousers for the past three months and the wardrobe you usually love with all the high heels feel more annoying rather anything else because you still can't wear them. The last weeks are just a long wait. You want to have the little one in your arms now and that is all you can think about and all you will think about. So no wonder that my blog has been a lot about the pregnancy!
But if I only knew what was supposed to come ...
Because when the little one is here, when you have mentally started to heal from the shock of the birth and how brutally natural things really are ... you are a mother. From that very second the little one inhales his first breath in this world, you are a mother and that motherhood will never leave you.
The transition from being Stina or whatever your name is to being a mother is amazing. Suddenly you will put yourself aside for the rest of your life and this little cute, cuddly thing with big eyes and small chubby hands will forever have the main role in your life. It doesn't matter if you are starving, if the little one screams for the breast, you will put your own hunger away and make sure that he gets what he wants first. From one day to another - you are suddenly ready to give up your life for another little creature. Someone up there made these feelings very strong from the beginning - and that is extremely well thought through. No sleep, a lot of screaming, pooping and many other very demanding things - also come with the package. Thank you Jesus for those extremely strong feelings because not even a little fluffy puppy would have stayed in most homes after the first month of really experiencing what it means to be a mother/parent.
So no wonder that my blog after little A's birth is more or less ONLY about the fact that I am now a mother. Have this little boy I longed for dearly in my life is everything at the moment and I swear to God, even when I enter the ladies room, he is with me (if he is not beautifully asleep in his bed of course).
My life and his life are the same life and I hardly remember my life before. What did I do with all of those hours in the day? Who did I hang with? What did I cook? How much did I actually sleep every night? I can't believe the fact that there really was a time when I went to bed, fell asleep and slept like a baby myself all through the night and woke up fresh like a rose. It feels like a different life. Neither can I beleive the fact that I more or less every day went to the grocery store, bought food, prepared it with love and cooked it and then enjoyed it in peace and quite with M or in front of some tempting tv-serie I followed at time.
This time nowadays is spent with little A, fully awake and cuter then ever. I put something in the microvawe and hopefully it will take less then one hour before I have finished the last bit of it on the plate while rocking him in my arms, and hopefully the food hasn't gone cold. Because my son is a night owl and will certainly not accept the fact of being put in some bed at this hour, he wants to be close to me and part of all the fun!
This enormous lifestyle change also becomes very true when I see many of my friends running in high stilettos and carefully thought outfits for this year's Fashion Week. Usually I only attend to one show or maybe two shows if I find them interesting enough, but this year the invitations still lie next to the computer, unanswered and even if I would love to go, I would never leave my dear little son. He is far too small/young and neither of us would enjoy being away from each other longer than maybe twenty minutes.
So life is very different and will never be the same. And my blog has certainly changed its contents to more motherly things. If I got a comment like the one I did a couple of month ago now, I would just laugh and answer that of course it is going be a mama blog also, because being a mother is not something you are here and there and being a mother is not something that will impact you in a small way. It will turn your life upside down, it will take a lot of nice things away that like freedom for instance, and it will definitely make the rings around your eyes more visible - but even so it is so incredibly cool! so incredibly beautiful and so incredibly maturing for you as a person. It truly is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so grateful that this little miracle entered my life. Love has never been experienced in a purer way.
Having said this, I hope you enjoy the motherhod themes that are clearly the largest part of this blog at the moment and hope even you, if you're not a mother can see that there are interesting and inspiring things for you also still to read about and to figure out between the motherly things. Because nothing is taken away actually, only added and transformed.