Friday, September 16, 2011
I've discovered that working, having a stressful job, having a career, is actually nothing when it comes to taking care of a newborn. In my eyes, work feels like holiday when I look back on the past few weeks.
For every week now I feel that the communication and understanding between what he needs and what I give runs more smoothly and he is more a little person now which makes it easier in some ways. We have settled some routines and I know him so much better now which makes everything run with less screaming and crying. In other words, he is starting to be a little boy with his own personality and his way of doing things. We have found our way of interacting and to enjoy eachother every day.
The nights are still the worst part I would say, yet the feeling is dual. Because having his little warm body against mine, meeting his big curious eyes in the night wanting to explore the world, looking at him follow the shades on the wall with all the mysterious reflections, smelling his sweet breath and listening to those particular small noices he does as soon as he is awake ... It is the most wonderful and precious times and you realise that whatever he needs, you are willing to give it with a smile for as long as he needs it. The feelings are so strong and so genuine even though I feel drained and most often like a zombie because of the lack of sleep.
But I do understand that the best is yet to come, with a thrilling feeling. Because my love grows stronger and stronger for every week that passes. It is such a journey following him every day with all the small developing steps he takes. That this little miracle comes from inside my body is still the biggest question mark in my life. How is it possible? Where does the soul in every single human being created begin and where does it end? Where is it born? Inside of me or when he inhales for the first time? When you conceive a little life, these big and enormous questions become a reality and questions about life are suddenly taken to another level of spiritual understanding.
With these Friday reflectione, let's celebrate life at its different phases. And I will celebrate the joy and my new life as a mother. Nothing beats the great feeling and the most interesting and vital task of educating and shaping a young little soul/child. It must be the biggest thing ever. And I can't wait to follow him on his road through life and sharing all my own life experiences and teach him everything I know about life, people, adventures, love, sadness, beauty and how to get the most out of it in a positive and joyful way whatever bumps in the road he meets. (And probably watch him make exactly the things I've told him not to, just to collect his own experiences).
But no matter what, I will be there as a mother, friend and as a grown up as much as I possibly can.
Have a great Friday!