Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Which brings me to today's subject: our little son is in his 26th week, and yes, there is both black colour and thunder. So you can imagine what I am going through. He is just impossible, complicated and needs me 24/7 which can be extremely exhausting when you can't leave him a single second unentertained or by himself. Sometimes I just feel like I want to leave him in his crib and close the door so that I can sleep for hundreds and hundreds of years, but then I always put myself in his situation and his small vulnerable soul and realise that he is going through something probably ten times as dramatic himself and needs me more then ever. Tired or not, exhausted or not - this is precisely when he needs me more then ever and like always, I have to put myself and my own needs aside again.
In this period, when he turns six months old (and me 32 years old two days after) I feel more tired, exhausted, ugly, grey, etc... than ever. It may sound vain, superficial and so on, but it's not fun looking at yourself in the mirror in the morning and once again meeting a hair that badly needs my hairstylist's care after loosing so much hair because of breastfeeding and a skin that is looking for some light chemicals to make some miracles. I feel like a car who hasn't been serviced for ten years and is all rusty, needs a polish and some extra TLC (tender, loving care). I am hardly breastfeeding anymore because of the fact that Alexis hasn't been that interested in the passed one and a half months actually. I think I miss those lovely hormones that came with it. Please share with me your thoughts if you are in the same period or have experienced it. It would be very interesting to read them.
(white = calm period, white with a sun = a wonderful period, dotty = clingy period, black = more problematic with everything, black with thunder = very demanding)
The book is called: Växa och upptäcka världen or Why they cry