Thursday, March 29, 2012

Stressful week


This week ha been quite a hysteric one. Meetings, photo shoots, planning for our travel after Easter, dinners and a lot of thinking and future speculation. I've both proved to myself what I am capable of even with Alexis in my life, and also realised how I do NOT want my life to be now when motherhood and our son is such a precious part of my life.
I don't want to live a life full of stress and meticulous planning. That certainly fir my definition of life quality, and like always in my life, that's my strive, my aim and my goal.

24 comments:

  1. As I am still here for few days before lesving, may be I will miss something with your pictures and photshop, I hope not.

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    1. Hi Uta, you will see it when you get back. It is for the magazine that I write in!

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  2. Photo shoots I wanted to say !!

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  3. I think its sick that u choose to live separately from ur childs dad - a man which you obviously love very much. U write so much about style, comfort, money, travel, this and that - all which are important values in your life quality. But I just can´t help but to think that you are missing something.

    Throughout the blog, you sound so unhappy. You talk about life quality over n over again - what what`s more worth than the comfort of having your man in your bed and in your every-day life/raising your child together? You read Kabbalah, so do I. But I believe that you have gone a little bit outside of your path, a little bit lost.

    When complaining so much about how hard it is to maintain a normal life with a baby and a man only calling in on weekends - THEN move to him. Why is that such a big issue? Are you so stuck in your ways, so locked up in your preferences? If you are this strong woman - then building a life there, finding new friends and a job will NEVER be an issue. Never.

    Because I know!

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    1. Hi.
      Maybe it is sick in your world to not drop your whole life immediately when you have a child with a man abroad. In mine it doesn't work quite that way. I want to do consious choices when it comes to important things in my life, like dropping everything that is dear to me, for the hope of getting something even bigger somewhere else.

      This is one of them most important decisions of my life, and It might have been easier for you to do that in a minute, but maybe you didn't have as much to loose which very often is the fact when someone is moving away from one life in the time period of a second to search for greater things in life.
      I happen to be one of those who had quite a lot here and therefor the decision is bigger and need more time to make the best of it and to really feel good about whatever may be.

      The major goal is nevetheless for both M and me, to get our family situation together permanently as soon as possible.

      What you can hardly know, by reading/analysing your comment, is that I got pregnant by an "accident" after only a few month together. First I planned to move to M, but the more I came and visited him pregnant in Zurich, the more I realised how lonely and sad I would be over there, even with him around more. I had all of my friends in Stockholm in the same situation like me, pregnant or with a small child and my dear family very close to help whenever I needed. M worked long hours and also traveled sometimes from Zurich to USA etc so being in this very new and fragile life change of being pregnant, without my job which I love, my family and my dear friends, my comfort life in my own city etc, was not an option in the end. And in my own hometown I new where the hospital, midwife etc was located which made my life much, much simplier.

      ... continue ...

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    2. ...

      The same after giving birth! Thank you Lord I was not stranded in Zurich with a new born! To stay in Stockholm and have M coming on the wknd's was the absolut best decision for all of us, (even though my biggest wish would have been for us both to have been living in the same city from the beginning and not have to deal with all of this stuff in a sensitive period as this was).

      Even when I am in Zurich now, he work these very long hours etc and there, newly given birth, I would have had no one to visit, getting help from or just feel secure and nice with during daytime. Even babysitting would be hard.

      But as a conclusion to all of this, of course we're eager to live together on an every day life. But in my life, it is not always certain or to be taken for granted that the woman needs to give up it all and move. It can be the man also for that sake. The solution is to find something that works for both of us, where we both enjoy, like it and can have as much time together as a family. And if that will end in Switzerland, Sweden, USA, or another place in the world - i have no idea. But the sure thing is that we're doing everything we can to find something that works for US!

      I can admit that I am lost, lost in the way that the future is quite unknown for all three of us. The most fundamental questions hasn't got an answer. Yet. But to reefer to me as unhappy is the biggest misstake.
      I am throughout very happy in my life but don't feel the need to write about all my happiness in this blog. This blog for me is a creative forum where I write about things that strikes me that very moment and also where I chose to show some of my photographys. You get one percent of me and my life here in this blog.

      But how can I not be happy generally when I have a wonderful son, a lovely and good looking man, dear friends and family who all of them is really close, a great career and have a beautiful life when it comes to health, love, a smart developting brain, a spiritual heart, apartments, money, experiences and travels and an eager curiosity about most things in life? The only piece of the puzzle is to find somewhere for us all to be together, but nevertheless, I am happy from within with what I have now. I have very much more then many other single women, couple etc have anyhow. I am very thankful.

      And you might think I complain a lot, which is hard for me to objectively say anything about because my view is obviously subjetive. But I am not complaining about motherhood or the choice we've taken, this post was referring to the simple fact that this week made me realise that I don't want to run around in my everyday life with differen "un important things/meeting" etc this much, I want it to be far more calm and unstressful, to have the wondeful freedom and quality time with our son as much as possible this precious time when I am on mother leave.

      So you and me are obviously very different form each other and I am happy that you didn't hesitate to move to your husband immediatly, but that is not the case for me. We all have our path to go through and this may be very hard, very often but never have I wished it would be different. It is hard but also exciting to not know it all, to feel this female strenght and life wisdom just grow like a enormous tree. There are few things in life I woulnd't handle after this experiance. But I am not naive nor stupid. Big decisions need thoughts, time and a consious mind. Many things need to be taken into consideration.
      Who knows what the future will bring me/us?!

      Best regards,
      Stina

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  4. Hi,

    Your comment was indeed interestimg to read and I understand your way of thinking. But to make some stuff clear, I wasn't insinuating that you should've dropped all for the sake of a man. In my situation, I did put myself out there in a totally different country, and for me a new language. But that was the right decision for _me_. And you surely are a woman with great instincts and self-knowing. But I still believe that it could be incredibly rewarding to go out there, and not call the situation off from what you scratch on the surface. Your man is surely working long hours, but he would also carry this enormous responsibility of raising a child in another way. To help you and to provide the feeling that he is always around. That you were two in the making, and so with the rest..

    Im not judging, Im just saying that the other side isn't that bad at all.

    And yes I actually moved to my man. Since I was going on maternity-leave anyways I didnt see it like 'sacrificing my job n career for the sake of a man'. The decision wasn't very hard, it was on the contrary quite clear for me. I had prior to that bought a newly built apartment in my own city, so I was a little bit remorseful to down-grade of course. And this time was difficult for me, especially since I always needed help with documents, understanding the state system, insurance and so on. But with practice came experience, and slowly I started adjusting myself. But after 1 year (my maternity-leave) we moved back together. He came a few months later than me. So I haven't sacrificed my career or life for anyone. I just gave it some extra spark.

    In Sweden people are so protected from all kinds of stuff. But we forgot that stuff we see as a challenge, actually is normal-day incidents for other women. Some decisions should enpower us, and not make us believe that we are sacrificing ourselves. We're not doing something women haven't done before, and hell yes we're much much more stronger than we think. There is so much going on under the surface, and we have been given the amazing opportunity to explore this. We think that it gives us security to know who's our midwife. But security and stableness is something that no midwife can guarantee you. We have to go through some challenges to create this foundation.

    To not go into stuff too deeply, since we don't know eachother - i understand what you based ur decision on. But it is still annoying for me to know that you and your man enjoy eachother deeply and now have this small life to care for - but live separately. It's annoying because you share a love most people look a lifetime for.. And maybe ur man should have downgraded his job? The Kabbalah teaches us that no choice of money/carriere over family will lead anywhere good. So you are perfectly correct in ur assumption that this is a decision a man should take much greater responsibility on.

    If you are happy with your solution, then that's great. It's a strong decision you made. Maybe I was judging to easily, my apologies.

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  5. Stina, as usual I completely agree with your agreements on your way of life, and the difficulty of leaving all your family, friends and to continue your woman's life as before of course in changing many things for Alexis and M but adapting you to the new life shared into 2 countries.A nd I also understand your questions about all that but you are not complaining at all, explaing the difficulty of your heart and mind to concilate all things the best for everyone. Of course you are more pretty than most of us, a life maybe more agreable but never you show us that for that. You have talent, /phoots etc), good taste, curiousity of people everywhere and widness and I particularly like your honesty of saying when you are not well. Human only!!! Many persons are hiding things when not well. They always say that it could be worse etc etc etc...... Not you. Honest with things happening to you and things that you feel. But you do not complain, you just explain. These people who feel superiors with their advises which do not correspond to their way of life make me "to climb the wall" as I say. Everyone react differently and may be you stir up jealousies with a better life's quality than others. And with a deeply interest for all things and your fantastic family.
    Sorry for my bad English!!! I hope you understan dwhat I mean Stina. XXX

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  6. Good morning,

    It is not the best of ideas practical, to meet someone abroad and then after a couple of month get pregnant without even living together. But that was the real truth for us and we have with time by our side, tried to make the best of it.

    If YOU think it is annoying to have us seperated, what do you think my view of it is? The same but probably ten thousand times beyond your imagination. But sometimes life hits you with an surprise and all you can do is try to deal with it and make the best of it here and now. Which we do. The surprise has tunred out to be a beautiful blessing, miracle - well call it whatever but Alexis is LIFE in its pureness.

    I hope that before this year has come to an end, we know where we're heading. I am coming more and more to Switzerland, to acclimate me in my own pace and feel the everyday life even over there. It works better and better even though Switzerland for me will never be somewhere where my dream is.
    But the dream is to have us together and by time continue adding members to the family in our own speed and when we have our stuff more together and settle.

    I think you by far was judging to easily and interfering in my life with preconceptions because of the fact that we've chosen to do things differently to other familys. It's one of the hardest tasks in life, to not judge and make ideas by someone else, but you know that by far if you study this techonology of the soul. You are then also aware of the truth that life is a long road of understanding, realizing and becoming more and more humble towards others, yourself and life. And even us, that are focusing hard in becoming better and develop, makes misstakes and need to relearn from time to time. That's the beauty of it all. That nothing is written in a stone, we need to be consious and determined every day and never take this knowledge for granted because life change, and so do we both mentally and physically.

    But we're not a "normal" family, will never be and we're not striving for that either. Our family is dynamic, changing, daring, passionated and full of friends and family members all around this planet which makes us citizens of the world in one way. The only problem with that kind of mental freedom is that sooner or later we need to find a place, a home where Alexis and our future children can go to school, have friends and a place for stability. But yet we're in our mind and heart, searching for somewhere to but that label.

    Kabbalah teaches us a lot of things about family, relationship and the power of your own soul, thoughts and mind. To make the right decicions at the right time and be aware of the consequence is the key.

    Another BIG spiritual knowledge is to know how to deal with problems that occur throughout your path. And a spritual way to look at problems in life is to see that everything you currently consider a problem is in reality an opportunity that the universe has sent you ... And that's what I think will happen because thats how energys work. You have to have a problem very often to be able to get to that point were you really need to find a solution and when your whole body is eager to find it, it will eventually arrive, the best of ideas, solutions opportunitys.
    Ultimatly, it is your greatest challenges that brings the greatest gifts.

    I can't say that I am perfectly happy with my situation of having my man traveling forth and back to Stockholm every weekend, no. And neither is him. But I never said that. But even so, happiness can come in many different aspects in life and just because one of them is not perfect, doesn't mean that one is unhappy.

    I do appriciate your comment and always love to hear other persons reflections, thoughts and ideas. I wish you would have made a signature with your name though when talking about life in this important matter.

    Best regards,
    Stina

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  7. Jag förstår ditt val och beslut till fullo, hade aldrig velat sitta helt ensam i ett främmande man med en nyfödd. Men vad jag däremot inte förstår är hur din kille resonerar. Jag vet att han har ett jobb osv osv, men det första året som nog är det mest fantastiska året i ett barns utveckling kommer han aldrig få tillbaka, medan jobb finns det alltid, så länge man vill ha ett. Det finns forskning som visar på att de familjer som delar lika på föräldraledigheten är de minst stressade och "mest" lyckliga familjerna. Jag har talat med min far som är en så kallad "hårt arbetande man" med en framgångsrik karriär och finns där något han ångrar så är det att han inte var mer ledig när vi var små, och jag tror det finns mycket i det han sa. Vi är så fruktansvärt upptagna idag av att göra karriär att vi glömmer många andra (viktigare!) faktorer som gör oss lyckliga här i livet.

    Just det här kring att du och din kille inte är tillsammans just nu känns inte lika viktigt tänker jag, då ni förmodligen kommer ses ganska så mycket i er framtid, men att inte se sitt egna barn växa upp...

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  8. Hi,
    What a sad thing to read though. I am amazed and appalled by how people tend to judge one another. I think Stina is exceptional who even tries to explain herself, when obviously it´s not needed. Why not just stop reading the blog? Why make such a statement of how Stina should live her life? Why assume things, when you obviously have no clue about it? Why pretend to know and understand thru one self’s experience? Have you heard the phrase “We are all different”?
    I have been reading Stina´s blog for some years now. I think I have commented it once or twice, but in a positive way. She has invited us to share a tiny part of her life, visualizing it by amazing photos taken in the most spectacular environments. Making me crave for more indulgence in my own life.
    The internet and media today allows people to more freely comment on each other, unfortunately, without any basic fact to back it up with. Make peace with yourself and try not to pour your sour thoughts into others.

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  9. Hi Stina,

    I left my home country Germany nearly two years ago to live with my man here in London. Of course sometimes you feel a bit homesick because it is not your hometown and it will never be but it was one of the best decisions I've ever made! I found wonderful people here and have a great job and whenever I feel homesick I just jump on a plane and in an hour I'm at home, it's so easy these days. I totally understand where you're coming from and it's a different story with a little baby but in order to build a stable basis for your kids and your own relationship, you need to go a step further. I'm sure you'll make great friends soon and totally new career opportunities might open up, wherever you guys are going to live in the future.

    Nevertheless, I don't think you have to justify your decisions here and when people think you are making wrong decisions then they are just a bit intolerant to my mind. I'm sure you'll go your way but sometimes in life you just have to go with the flow. You'll bring up you family however you want to do this, no matter what others do think. And in the end, being a "normal" family (what the hell is normal these days anyway??) is kind of boring anyway, right? :)

    All the best,
    D.

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  10. Hey Stina, I have been following your blog for quite a while now, it's so inspiring and beautiful. I am usually more of a "quiet follower" of blogs I like but really felt like I needed to write a comment to this post. Touching a topic I quite often get confronted by myself (and which has given me many sleepless nights) as I am in quite a similar position like you. I am Austrian, my fiancee is from Australia, we have been together for more than 7 years and it has been the most beautiful but also sometimes most challenging thing in my life. We are so fortunate to be able to choose who we want to be with these days, no matter where we are from but it doesn't always make things easier... We have lived in London, Abu Dhabi and now Sydney together and yes, we are still looking for the place that will be just perfect for both us one day. But no matter how hard things get, how much we question the purpose of it all and sometimes wish we just came from the same place or at least the same country we both know, that it always has been worth it, always is and forever will be. Yes, we might have to work harder than others sometimes and yes, we might forever will have to do so, but it will only make us and our relationship nothing else but stronger. Getting married in July will not only proof all the people questioning us and our relationship wrong but will also be the start of something new we created (and yes, many people I know have succeeded in it before), being and staying yourself and embracing the new and unknown at the same time. It is amazing what you can do with the support of your family, friends and your own determination. And all the rest, life will work it out. In the end it's all about love and life - forever. ;)

    Lisa xx

    LiTi2012.com

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  11. Det är en intressant diskussion och det finns måna aspekter och sätt att se det på. Det viktigaste är ju självklart att man gör det som fungerar bäst för en själv och sin familj och det kna ju bara ni veta.
    Jag ahde också haft svårt att flytta utan att hinna överväga det ordentligt, det är lätt att föreslå en flytt om relation pågått under en längre tid eller om man har planerat för barn. Me det beslutet kanske man betsämmer sig för att satsa, men som du säger, det som händer er hade inte den förutsättningen.

    När jag läser din blogg så ser jag en person (inte allt av dig förstås..) som erbjuder sitt barn kärlek, värme, närhet och ett nät av varma människor runt omkring. Det är inte något man ska underskatta. Allt det här är en diskussion som går att föra väldigt teorektiskt eftersom det inte finns några "rätta" vägar.

    Jag tycker det är lite för lätt att ifrågasätta hur M väljer att hantera sin jobbistuation som Julia är innne på. Jag förstår tanken bakom den kommentaren och kariärr går absolut inte alltid först men att säga upp sig när branschen ser ut som den gör ( har förstått det som att han jobbar med finans) så är det inte lätt att få jobb inom det i Sverige allt. Arbetslösheten inom det ökar just nu. Så det är inte bara tt säga upp sig från ett jobb och "bara vara". Man måste ju ha en inkomst sen när första året är över. Och vad gäller andra länder än Sverige så ligger ju de långt bakom när det gäller föräldraledigheten och det har jag för mig att du Stina kommenterat innan.

    Kort och gott: Jag tycker att ni verkar göra det bästa in kan av situationen och man förstår att det inte är drömläget men ändå kanske det bästa alternativet just nu. Lycka till med valen i framtiden!

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  12. Hei Stina - lenge siden jeg har lagt igjen en kommentar her nå, men stikker stadig innom deg :)

    Helt ærlig, syns jeg vel DINE valg, er DINE personlige, og du skal ikke behøve å måtte forsvare deg på bloggen eller forklare deg, det har ingen av oss lesere noe krav på....

    Så helt ærlig, jeg hadde ikke ville utdypet så mye personlig, hadde det vært meg,men du er TØFF og uredd som gjør nettop det.

    Det er tross alt DITT liv og BARE DU som kan ta valgene, klart du kan få råd og veiledning fra andre, men du selv må tross alt velge hva passer deg og din lille familie.

    God Påske

    Hilsen Helen (norwegian, living in Italy)

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  13. It is better to have someone than no one. Distance is not necessarily that you live in to different countries, too many people have a greater distance than that and are living in the same house.

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  14. I really enjoy your very nice pictures and your ability to saoound yourself with luxury in you reveryday life, but I really wish you'd get over your self.

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  15. Jag tycker att ibland är det till och med nyttigt för relationen att inte bo tillsammans hela tiden, utan ha en period som särbo, även i olika länder. Efter 18 årig relation har jag nu en insikt om att ett liv tillsammans är vääääääldigt långt och att hålla gnistan vid liv är en utmanning för de flesta par, med tanke på att hälften separerar till slut i Sverige. Jag själv valde att flytta till man till Sverige när jag var 25, vi hade en period på två år där jag jobbade i London och han i Sverige med våra egna karriärer, sen flyttade jag hem till Sverige igen och nu har vi varit tillsammans i 18 år. Men jag saknar mitt hemland såååå mycket, språket, kulturen, vänner. Ibland känns som man har missat ett liv som har pågått där. Samtidigt älskar jag Sverige och Stockholm, det är mitt andra hem nu. Drömmen är att leva i båda, det är möjligt numera. Men tillbaka till relationer. Gör det som känns bäst för er och era liv, det är era liv, andras åsikter har ingen betydelse alls till slut när man sen blir gammal och livet är över. Livet är en prövning och konst att vara lycklig trots alla oundvikliga motgångar och sörjer som alla får sin del av till slut. Unga kvinnor ofta idealiserar kärlek och förhållande och kära i själva iden om att vara kär, sen många efter några år blir besvikna på att verkligheten är nånting helt annat oh så kommer separation. Vi alla förändras med åren och den riktiga djupa kärleken är till själva människan, den kan överleva det mesta, och bli djupare om inte lite sårig, men ändå stark. Ingen är perfekt, det en bra insikt för att hålla relationen, om man vill det, eftersom alla relationer är inte rätta, även om man har barn, alla ska inte hålla livet ut, det är inte meningen, särkillt om man träffas som ung, för att man blir en annna människa varje år som går. Kärlek ger fantastisk lycka, gör en hel, men det är en av livets störta utmanningar :) / Julia K

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  16. Kære Stina

    Jeg plejer ikke at kommentere dine indlæg, og årsagen til at jeg siger det er, at dette emne berør mig på et niveau, hvor jeg ikke kan lade være med at kommentere.

    For det første er det mit indtryk at man som blogger skal stå på mål for rigtig mange menneskers holdning til ens liv, kærlighed, hverdag og måde at leve på. Det er så uendelig nemt at kritiserer og dømme over internettet, hvor man helt anonym kan såre og blande sig andre menneskers liv, uden konsekvenser for andre end den man kritiserer.
    Din beslutning om at være ærlig på din blog og fortælle om dine følelser og dit liv medfører, at mange mener, at det er i orden at kritisere.

    Jeg har hverken børn eller en mand, der lever i et andet land, så jeg kan ikke forholde mig til de beslutninger du har måtte træffe. Dog synes jeg, at det virker MEGET reflekteret og velovervejet. Det er helt sikkert også bedre for din søn, at han har en selvsikker mor, der får sine "grundlæggende behov" opfyldt. Og så længe han ikke er ældre og ikke har fornemmelse af tid så virker jeres løsning som den bedst - for jeres søn.

    Som sagt aner jeg dybest set ikke hvad jeg taler om... da jeg ikke selv har været i samme situation. Jeg synes det er beundringsværdigt at du tør at være så hudløs ærlig, og stå ved dine beslutninger - offentligt!
    Jeg har selv meget migræne og jeg følte mig dig i ugerne op til og efter din fødsel. Hvis man ikke har haft migræne så ANER man ikke, hvor forfærdeligt det kan være - og så enda uden profylax!! Jeg var ALDRIG taget nogle steder med nyfødt unge og migræne!

    Jeg synes du har håndterret din graviditet, din fødsel og din barsel beundringsværdigt! Du er en sej kvinde!

    Kærlig hilsen Karin

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  17. Just as Karolina, who commented above, I am appalled at the way Anonymous just judged and kind of pressed you (Stina) to explain yourself. And I totally agree with the fact that it's to easy to hide behind an anonymous mask and opinion about how other people live.
    Your, and your familys´choices are none but yours!

    Regarding the discussion, I can only say that I am in awe about how you have handled this, with such poise and courage. It must be all but easy, but you keep on inspiring with your way of viewing life. I salute you!

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  18. Kära Stina, din blogg är helt fantastiskt. man njuter varje dag av få gå in och läsa och inspireras av din vackra texter och bilder. Jag blir ofta så glad och beundrar dig så mycket, du delar med dig av livets mörkare stunder emellanåt visar bara att du är mänsklig och ärlig och stark kvinna. Det gör bara gör dig ännu mer dynamisk och man vill ha mer av Stinas world of living! Du är kärlek för mig och en otroligt vacker och intelligent kvinna. Tack för att du delar med dig av ditt liv. Många kramar Kicki

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  19. Kära Stina, din blogg är helt fantastiskt. man njuter varje dag av få gå in och läsa och inspireras av din vackra texter och bilder. Jag blir ofta så glad och beundrar dig så mycket, du delar med dig av livets mörkare stunder emellanåt visar bara att du är mänsklig och ärlig och stark kvinna. Det gör bara gör dig ännu mer dynamisk och man vill ha mer av Stinas world of living! Du är kärlek för mig och en otroligt vacker och intelligent kvinna. Tack för att du delar med dig av ditt liv. Många kramar Kicki

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  20. Very interesting reading and I agree with several comments above that each and everyones lifesituation must be handled in an unique way. It's not possible to compare with standards and shoulds. And life and it's experiences develops along the way, don't they?

    So how can we decide over things that haven't yet been unfolded? I was going out with a man from another country for many years and lived in his country during periods, almost moving there for good. Then it suddenly ended between us. I was happy I hadn't rushed into a life in his country and also swearing to myself never to go out with a foreigner again.

    And some years later, here I am, living very happily in Sweden with another foreigner :)We really never know what life will bring us...

    Good luck Stina!

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  21. Everyone: Thank you dearly for the nice, informative and honest comments. I haven't felt a need to defend myself with this question, only that I wanted to explain thought many of you don't understand or questioning our decisions.

    As I wrote, I LIKE the fact that we're not this typical and normal family. It would bore me in a minute. But i DO want us all to live together.

    So thank you very much for writing a story, a thought or just your own oppinion in this topic. I've read it all and really appriciate you taking the time to make a statement.

    Best Regards,
    Stina

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