Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Thoughts

It's been a couple of wonderful days, and even so I feel drained, tired and nothing seems to catch my attention completely. I'm looking for inspiration, something that can tickle my brain and impact me deeply and stimulate my fantasy to the extent that I'll get that wonderful feeling that comes from the perfect balance between something you love, strive for and adore - and something that totally freezes time, presence and your sense of reality. I made sure that I had that noetic feeling often before, but there is so little time nowadays for that kind of self-consumed pleasure.
I often find myself caught with feeling that I can't really think properly. They say it comes from the new role as a parent. The brain is not used to being completely captivated by this little child of ours and nothing before has ever taken so much non-stop brain stimulation. I'm not used to that never ending attention, I don't think anyone can realise before you end up in that situation yourself with someone that never stops needing you, physically and emotionally. But it sounds correct and very interesting in my ears that the feeling of cotton inside my head comes from this new chapter. Never in my life have I thought so much, SO much that everything would go completely to a child. And it never stops. It's pure and unconditional love and joy most of the time, but even so, it's exhausting. To love someone so much with the will and the burning need and wishes to give the little one whatever is needed, to raise and care for in a way only possible with your own child - it can sometimes make you feel totally burned out. And you sit in front of the sofa after bed time and have no energy left for anything. Reading a book feels like exploring something Einstein would have figured out.
I've said it before, but I can say it ten thousand times again because it's the biggest power and life knowledge ever. But being a mother/parent is the greatest role ever. It takes you as a person to the next level in life, a life in 3D, totally unexplored.
And I'm learning every day how to fit myself into the picture, how to get a perfect and working combination of everything into this new role as a mother and a parent. But sometimes I have absolutely no idea how I'll get that perfect combination together when it feels like both sides of the coin get the most vital part.

11 comments:

  1. Låter som en ljuvlig dag. Kärlek är det vackraste och finaste som finns både till ens barn och till sin partner. Det bästa av allt är att vi hittar vårt egna sätt att lösa det mesta på.
    Varma kramar

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    1. Det är så sant, den egna vägen är den rätta!

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  2. You are tired Stina, you travelled quite a lot, did a lot of things besides the complete days and nights with baby and M., when arriving you want to be the most perfect etc., arranging meetings with friends etc, plus this new love, energy of love given, plus staying a beautiful women trying to be interested of so many things... Make a break Stina you need it.

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    1. I know Uta, but it is hard when you have a need as a person to get stimulation and when you are a creative person. But less travels, the big sea and a beach with pearl white sand would be to dream for ...

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  3. Stina,I have an indiscrete question: may be you dont' want to answer, but my husband had just bought me a new Canon in order to make nicer pictures, could you tell me what is Nr of yours ? It looks still more complicate..... I will manage it as usual... but it will take time. I had a look over almost all your older pictures in your blog and frankly they are all superb. Is the one of M., the same than yours ??? XXX

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    1. Hi Uta!

      I use a Canon 50D with four different lenses most of the time and it is immpeccable when you know how to handle it. I have quite some knowledge about how to take photograps and that helps me strive for the perfect result in the photos I take.
      I also have the Canon G10, but that camera I only use for travels when I can't bring my big Canon 50D. It does not give the same result at all unfortunatly.

      My next camera is already ordered, a Canon 5D II, it is the top notch when it comes to shooting professional.

      M shoots with a Nikon, we don't use the same camera, not even the same brand.

      All the photos on my blog is shot with Canon.

      Varm regards,
      stina

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    2. Hi, You make beautiful pictures. I have Canon 40D. May I know which objectives you have been using with canon 50D camera and wchich objectives are you going to combine with Canon 5 D? I would like to buy it too!:-)

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  4. Visst är det så! Det går inte att förstå hur en liten person man älskar så mycket kan dränera en totalt på energi..:-) Men det blir bättre! (och det är då kan skaffar ett barn till, ha ha)

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  5. När en (oförstående) person frågade mig hur jag mådde och jag svarade att jag kände mig lite trött, höjde personen på ögonbrynen och svarade: Varför då?? Du får ju sova om nätterna!
    Bara för att man råkar ha en bebis som sover på natten, innebär ju inte det att man har all ork i världen. Det som gör en trött är ju den ständiga "skötseln" av barnet som behöver en dygnet runt. Skötseln av barnet i kombination med all oro, förväntan och kärlek gör att det känns som att huvudet är fullt av bomull (eller gröt...).
    //A.

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    1. Gud nej, jag förstår. Bara en barnlös person eller man kan säga något sådant. Alexis vill fortfarande ha välling 1-2 ggr per natt vilket är lite besvärligt för det stör min sömn mycket.
      Gröt, bomull, - ja något är det för den känns helt sjukt konstig och geggig.

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