Wednesday, April 25, 2012
I often find myself caught with feeling that I can't really think properly. They say it comes from the new role as a parent. The brain is not used to being completely captivated by this little child of ours and nothing before has ever taken so much non-stop brain stimulation. I'm not used to that never ending attention, I don't think anyone can realise before you end up in that situation yourself with someone that never stops needing you, physically and emotionally. But it sounds correct and very interesting in my ears that the feeling of cotton inside my head comes from this new chapter. Never in my life have I thought so much, SO much that everything would go completely to a child. And it never stops. It's pure and unconditional love and joy most of the time, but even so, it's exhausting. To love someone so much with the will and the burning need and wishes to give the little one whatever is needed, to raise and care for in a way only possible with your own child - it can sometimes make you feel totally burned out. And you sit in front of the sofa after bed time and have no energy left for anything. Reading a book feels like exploring something Einstein would have figured out.
I've said it before, but I can say it ten thousand times again because it's the biggest power and life knowledge ever. But being a mother/parent is the greatest role ever. It takes you as a person to the next level in life, a life in 3D, totally unexplored.
And I'm learning every day how to fit myself into the picture, how to get a perfect and working combination of everything into this new role as a mother and a parent. But sometimes I have absolutely no idea how I'll get that perfect combination together when it feels like both sides of the coin get the most vital part.