Sunday, January 5, 2014
I often feel high on life. Not because of something exceptionally that I have, more of how i've pursue most days. Perhaps the ability to see the bright side of many things and to really indulge myself in what a beautiful chance there is to be alive, to live and to jump on all trains flashing by - is what makes this gift present?
I know that my easy going personality often is a lifesaver, not many things is too big of a problem in my world and I can always find a reason for a little bit of fun or treatments to find energy. There's always a solution to most things and when you neglect the size of a problem and take it into perspective of all problems you've already dealt with in your life and managed to stay sane, well, then there's not much that can't be done with a little bit of will power, hard working and some braveness. (And preferably your families/friends/loved ones support, even if it didn't go exactly as planned.)
2013 was also when i started to love being a foreigner abroad, it was the year when I carried our second child, a journey not always easy since I got some sort of pregnancy depression in the beginning (it was just to much at the time, Alexis was quite a task, M and me was not at all in sync and I was stranded in a city that I at the time, was not very fond of). The year was also when I learned so many things about myself, how strong I actually are and also, where my weaknesses lays.
Our relationship went through many roller coasters and I'm not afraid to point that out since many people think we have a perfect life just because I chose to share small parts on internet through pictures. We are less normal then many, that might be true; we're addicted to change, to adventures and are far more spontaneous and dare to take risks then many I know - but even so, we're so normal and our everyday life is probably just like most parents. We just try to make it all work, sometimes struggle with too little time for each other, the children that takes most waken hours per day, finances for what we want in life, different opinions, life wishes ... you name it. Anyhow we've both learned to accept each other and the cultural differences we have and take advantage them instead of the opposite. In fact, that's a life long mission when living together.
This year was also when I spent quite some time in South of France and Sweden again and suddenly, without any consideration we, with Leon one week old, was the owner of a house. Many times have I asked myself what the %&?* we were thinking, or not thinking at all, but in the flow of the moment, we drastically decides to change our life again, move yet another time and try to make life as good as possible and get something extraordinary for our family.
Zürich is marvellous, the closeness to everything, the alps around the corner - but face fact, it's far from idealistic with children. The men works crazy much, the kindergarden costs a fortune, the countries around wont be enjoyed since the small children are an obstacle and therefor it's more of a prison then anything else. Everything is also absolutely ridiculously expensive and weather you can afford it or not, there's a limit to what is reasonable to pay for certain things. We could would need to wait quite some time before we could get a house in the really nicer parts of the closer suburbs around Zürich lake, and honestly, we are too impatience, we wanted a big house and a garden, preferably yesterday.
But like all coins there's two sides of everything. I will miss the quality of everything here, of things, of shops, brands, designers etc so much. I will miss the wonderful food selection provided everywhere, the wide selections of good wines and beers in every food store, Chanel five minutes from where I live, the stunning architecture in the city and the lake just a couple of minutes walk from our roof flat. I will also miss the view from my desk where I sit and write this text, the mountains, the neoclassical big house in front of me, the beautiful church top and all the nature surrounding me like a warm hug and not to mention the weather. It's so much milder here, warmer most of the time and just more pleasant with more light then I'm used to in Scandinavia. It makes a lot of difference I can tell you.
Of course I will also miss the new really nice friends I've got, the lovely girls who most of them contacted me through my blog and warm hearted took me into their life and showed me around. I owe so much gratitude to them. Also some of M's friends that just been so kind and helpful. It's a lot to be sad over, but luckily we are only planning to stay a few years on our new place and then we'll see where we will go. It's a comfort to know that everything is possible and there's so much in the world to explore and the fear of the unknown should never prevent you from daring and try. It's when you put yourself out there that you become grateful, experienced, humble and will be a apart of an adventure that will widen your eyes and mind. Narrowness, bitterness, jealousy, negativism often comes from the fact that you're swimming around in your own little fish bowl.
You have to open your world, your mind and heart to become a great person, big in the way you think and look at everything around you.
So here we are. In the beginning of 2014. With two small boys, a big move in the end of this month and again, all the packing and sorting. I know so much will happen this year and both M and me has to strangle ourself to realise that not everything will be perfect from the beginning, we can't have it all now and that is in some ways - the beauty of the absent and the days to come!
Some of the goals I'd like to share with you for this lucky number seven year (as my reader Mel pointed out 2+0+1+4=7):
1.I will start Pilates or Yoga or maybe both. Going through two pregnancies very close and three years of very poor sleep needs a strong physical body.
2. I will buy less things for my old life and realise that where we are right now, they will hardly be worn anyhow. Cool, chic, practical is my new fashionista style. Not very different from what I do right now, but sometimes I look at things that I want to buy and ask myself the question "Stina, when will you wear those 14cm boots?" Be reasonable and honest to yourself. Style wont be less present, just more smartly though through.
3. As soon as we have our help staying in our house, M and me will try to have at least one evening per week for our self!
4. Continuing developing as a human in a concrete way, which means putting up goals and really strive for them and when they are achieved, write a big line over the goal and pamper myself with positive things. You always have to earn something, it's much easier to continue when it's hard if you know there will be a treasure at the end.
5. Be less as a tornado at home and put away things at once. My element "air" is probably the reason for this, I don't mind but M do. I am very tidy but tend to be messy between my tidiness so to speak ...
6. Make our new house the best possible so it feels dynamic, beautiful, homish, warm and family loving. I want different colours and interesting decorations very well chosen. Normality and the typical is boring. The very "scandinavian" way of decorating scares me. I've been wounded by all the white and the minimalistic from living in the super stylish Stockholm for too long. I love how we take decorating seriously, but it has gone to the point where it all look the same which is my nightmare.
7. Try to be positive about our move and everything that will happen this year. It will be fine. Can't wait to see what this chapter of life has to offer us!
8. Be happy with what's here and now and not always want the absolute best at once. Or want it, is good, but also be realistic of what age we're and that in the 30- something it's not normal to have it all, specially not in combination with two small children. The beauty is to indulge ourself with the reality we're in and enjoy every minute of it.
Happy New year to YOU and keep in mind- Everything you want, is on the other side of fear!