Sunday, March 9, 2014

Besties

Happy international women's day to my female readers out there! 
(I wrote this post yesterday but didn't have time to publish it.)

The post below created so much hate and negativism, I had to refuse to publish some of the most inappropriate comments at the end, it just escalated insanely! There's some crazy people out there, that's for sure. And some reacts on the fact that I actually respond to some of them?! A year back I wouldn't. By then I just ignored those who wrote something foolish and just out of proportions cruel - but the experience have made my tongue and mind sharper and I will for sure not take any bullshit for no reason. 

I should probably be more aware of haters like that, since I have a public blog, cause I realise I easily drive some women demented by just breathing. Like someone wrote; be happy, it drives people nuts!

The reactions actually blow me out of surprise! I posted the same one on my Instagram account and about 200 followers loved it and totally got my point! Perhaps they just saw it for what it was; a reminder to have fun, to do what you want and rather be bold and take a risk then stopping yourself from a life extraordinary in experiences, destines, possibilities or whatever it may be. 
For me it only proves how far we still are from coaching each other forward rather then judging and destroying. Suddenly it was more about different icons, decades back or me being a stay at home mother for the moment (I mean, Leon is only six month old), my finances or other non related matters, then the actual meaning of the sentence in the beginning. 
It must have been something in those simple words who got into some of you in a less positive way then they intended. A human that feels scared or intimated, can't recognise themselves or wants everyone to be the same, is dangerous. That is nothing new. I just wonder why some took it so serious or wanted me to sort of prove that I had a darker side. 
I want us to enhance versatility among us, spread the power of being proud of who you are instead of trying to live up to an ideal of what someone expect you to be or what you think you need to be able to fit it.

The best things in life mustn't come from behaving, what ever that word stands for if we should analyse it further. It's dangerous to always need to live in a well behaved box. Suddenly your thoughts are not your own and you do things because it's expected from you. Maybe your true nature would take you on another ride, how would you ever know if you spend your life judging other women and yourself? Just because someone's life is different, doesn't mean that their life is neither better or worse. 
I wouldn't have meet M for sure if I hadn't tasted life to the fullest that evening. And I wouldn't sit here with this beautiful family if I didn't take a flight to see him, a stranger for me, one week later (with a little persuasion from him maybe). It could have been the worse thing to do, but sometimes you have to take a chance and not behave as you should according to some old fashioned book. It's just two of plenty of fantastic things that arrived to my life in less traditional ways.

I've had periods of my life, and still have from time to time, when I'm living beyond many rules and just follows passion, moments and my feelings then and there. It's when I've put myself in the most outrageous of situations, when you leave your professional personality/motherhood/orwhateveritmaybekindofrole - when I've had the most amazing times of my life and even though I would hate if my children did the same, I know they will create their own path in life at one point or another. God forbid if they ended up without some drama and behaved well all the time. I would have failed in my education and my life advices to them and actually couldn't imagine anything more boring. I want them to be free spirits (which you can allow yourself to be when you are brought up with present life knowledge that always lays in the back of your head) and test what life has to offer out there, with their father and me always being there if necessary. And for sure, when they are older, I will share all of my bad and hidden sides, the darker moments (well maybe not all ...) that will put us all laugning out loud. I'm happy to have shared some crazy ones with the father of my children, he has the craziest of nature when that side settles in - I love that. Life is seldom boring because of it.
With this said, just like everyone else, biggest part of my everyday life I behave perfectly well and love doing so. Family routines, motherhood demands that from you and I love it just as much as my less traditional moments. I need them both to pursue a great balance of wellbeing and satisfaction.

Not long time ago I had a moment like that with my own parents and my younger sister. We had some nice food and a lot of wine, and then we had such a cosy and fun evening. I was surprised to find out how wild they were, back then, but also so happy to feel that they've lived! They did it all, ten times over and are still the best role models one can have. They are just humans with all sides possible. 
And some have needs to to things more bold perhaps - so what? 

No, some of my best memories - are the ones when I most of the time didn't behave at all. And it's nothing wrong with it at all. It just proved that I dare to live fully out. I'm sure most of you are the same. And if not, then be it!

On the picture you see one of my oldest besties. A wonderful, beautiful woman inside out, full of surprises. She is one of my soul sisters and I love her dearly! 

(coat: Burberry, cashmere sweater: SoftGoat, leather pants: Missoni)

23 comments:

  1. Underbar text! Du inspirerar!

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  2. And Amen! For motivation and encouragement on this sunny Sunday. Thanks for sharing with us Stina, no more words needed. Wish you and your family a great day!

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  3. So right, so normal and me neither cannot understood all these terrible comments Stina!
    Turn the page and dont mind of negativism.
    You are for me so many things ... Gorgeous, intelligent, beautiful family, courageous and we do not need in your blog that I love, these kind of people .
    Your friend looks very nice and keep yourselves very well, true friends are seldom nowadays...
    I had so many bad experience...
    You are my only favorite blog , I feel really near you and for a lot a lot of things.
    Big hugs
    Uta

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  4. P.S. If it is your house, it looks very very nice in white like this.
    Your faithfull Uta!

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  5. You are just too lenient, Stina. You shouldn't let all these anonymous idiots in at all. Some people are just so bitter and displeased with themselves that they'll try to kill every sign of happiness and satisfaction around them. And the internet is the best place to do it, as they can hide behind their anonymity. After all they would not even dare to speak up, if they had to show their faces. But they don't even realize how pathetic and ridiculous they are reacting with such big rage to an innocent citation. I just feel sorry for them - what do they do if somebody really hurts or insults them? Do they take out their duelling pistols at once? Unbelievable. People's jealousy, greediness but also misapprehended political correctness have crossed all imaginable limits. We can just be grateful that you want to share your fantastic life with the rest of us despite all this s...t anyway!

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  6. Hahahahah WHAT? Why??? Ohh dear, I definitely need to read the comments now on your previous post!! Seriously what's wrong with people?? Hahahaha

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  7. I totally loved your post with the qoute about women. You look tough and a bit rebellious with your tattoo (real?!) and not the polished Stina we usually see. I loved it to see your little more crazy side. And women need that! We are always being told to be good girls and once in a while we should /need to toughen up and take more chances/push ourself . I just get so mad at other
    Women pushing other women down/ criticizing - come on let's support each other . Having two kids, a house, running a super blog can't be easy and instead of applauding they go all bananas on you. Not fair, not cool.

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  8. Amen to that! Have a wonderful day!

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  9. Thank you for those words. This is exactly how it is!
    Happy sunday!

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  10. Lordy, it's a well known quote for one, and it's meant to be flippant and fun, some folk would start a fight in an empty room.

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  11. Dear Stina,

    I have send you an e-mail a week ago. Not sure if you ever got it...

    Happy Sunday,
    Mel

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  12. Tack fantastiska Stina för din ljuvliga blogg. Önskar att jag hade förmågan (gåvan) att skriva så klokt som du gör:)
    Har sett en klocka på dig med svart armband,i ett tidigare inlägg.... vilket märke har detta förtjusande ur? Vänligen, Ann

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  13. It's such a shame that you have received unpublishable comments, always from 'anons' I am sure. I quite like the contrarists, but what a waste of time to leave a comment without putting 'yourself' behind it, it has no value and you make yourself and your views irrelevant.
    I think people find you an anathema Stina, they are not used to an attractive woman, with firm opinions and enough reason to back them up. Please ignore the nay-sayers, life is too short for all that negativity.

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    1. Alexandra, that's what's so sad about Anons, if they feel that vehemently, why can't they put their names to their opinions?

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  14. That sentence was said from Laurel Thatscher Ulrich, famous feminist. It means, that we women should become independent from our husbands and think that we have same possibilities. I think, many of your readers did´t understand that, which is shame. By the way, my examples for strong not well-behavied women are Indira Gandhi, Hilary Clinton, Madeline Albright and Angela Merkel just to mention a few.

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  15. Jag läste en del av kommentarerna, och jag tycker att det är så intressant att en del väljer att klanka ner på dina livsval, som tex att du väljer att vara hemma med dina barn.
    Som om alla kvinnor skulle sträva efter att bli politiker, filmstjärnor eller något annat högoktavigt yrke. Att vara modig och ärlig mot sig själv handlar inte om att synas, eller ha ett välbetalt jobb, eller att bli moder teresa. Det handlar om att följa sin egen röst, var den nu må ta en.
    Och dessutom, hur gör man världen till en dräglig plats? Genom att skrika högst? Eller genom att stå upp för sig själv och möta sin omgivning med kärlek, respekt och tålamod?
    Hurra för dig Stina, hoppas du får kraft av att ge andra inspiration att lyssna på sina egna hjärtan.

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  16. "Smile, it surprises people". :)

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  17. Personally, I find strong, confident, independent women comfortable in their own skin and at peace with the world. This can be a hard combination for some people, resulting in fear and then inappropriate comments/reactions.

    I hope you, Stina, will continue to be the strong wonderful woman you are. I also greatly appreciate your blog. Keep up the great work. All the best, Susan, USA

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  18. Hi Stina,
    It is normal to have people with strong opinions, even negative ones, in such circumstance. I would say you took a risk when you posted that quote. Such statements are often misconstrued when one doesn't understand from where it stems. It is quite funny that it did not occur to the ones who voiced their opinions that they were ,in actual effect, not being well behaved for well behaved women would just nod their head in agreement or keep their opinions to themselves and go about their own business quietly and not protest so vehemently.
    You, Stina, have a good head on your shoulders and I wouldn't be concerned that you can't handle them 'haters'. This is your blog.
    xx, Suzanne

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  19. Kära Stina. Än en gång levererar du fantastiska inlägg. Så välformulerade, kloka, viktiga, varma texter med härlig humor blandat med allvar. Thank you so very very much! Kram och ALLT gott till dig!

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  20. I am a bit confused. It have never come to my mind that you keep your life somehow really different. I mean you have been travelling and having fun like any young person and you like fashion, your husband is from other country but that is not so much different nowadays and I don't understand what is all that fuss about it? You have made really normal not outstanding choices. I mean you nurse your youngest one home and your older one is going to the kindergarten, you live in a big house in an normal neighbourhood were lives other families too. Many families are having back rounds from many countries. Men have to travel because of work, women and family are sometimes moving with husbands work too- like you did to Zurich for short time. This all is very average, nothing outstanding. I mean what is this all halo about?

    I didn't comment anything when you were posting about Stockholm nightlife but I think you were wearing pretty normal clothes, jeans, high heels and nice shirt. Not so outstanding neither. I think instead being really strong inside you are hurting your feelings easy and reacting for that with these posts.

    I like this blog because of good pictures, sometimes they are a bit funny too (it's not maybe meant like that even) but these last opinion posts are not really smart in my opinion. I don't find any deep philosophy in them, just a bit showing off and trying to make something more then what it really is. I'm sorry.

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  21. I am a mother, wife and a lover of life myself and I so know what you are talking about!!! When I had my daughter and life just naturally slowed down a few years ago I sometimes looked inside the mirror and got afraid to loose this wild and non-behaving nature just because you daily routine and motherhood seem to take it all from you. This role of being a mother is definitely the most beautiful role I could imagine in my life but there are also other roles, other sides of my nature I do not want to neglect. Every once in a while, when my man and I find time for ourselves and I allow myself to just let got of all those complusion (mostly only excisting as some arbitrary mindset one seems to establish over time) and feel and breather life to its fullest....it´s magical. I can take so much from that back to my every day life and I strongly believe that this is what keeps me an open-minded and life-loving person. Besides: I do believe that this little bit of wildness attaches so much sexiness to a woman...every man will love his lady "letting go" (btw...fantastic lyrics in the new Pixar movie Frozen). A long time back when I was in my early twenties I watched a documentary on TV about inspiring artists and how they live....there was a man who showed his beautiful loft and he had a writing attached to a large wall in his living room saying "warum eigentlich nicht". This is German and means as much as "So why actually not?" I felt very inspired by these few words ´cause for me they carry a lot of meaning. Many experiences in life (and if it only means moving houses, applying for a new job, or just opening another bottle of wine at 2 am although it would probably be wiser to get to bed) we actually cut ourselves from because we are limit our imagination and do not allow ourselves to break out of boundaries.
    Edit: "running wild" and "living life to the fullest" is something I do not want to go into detail....everybody has to decide him-or herself what that means for you. Sometimes it can only mean to give in to a spontaneous tête-a-tête with your man although you feel tired and know about all the things still on your agenda....

    Stina, love your attitude, love your blog! And: I liked the picture on Instagram ;)

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  22. Posting a quote and a picture is not something that I intepret as Stina trying to state that she is somehow extremely exceptional or that she somehow claims to live up to said statement 100%, it can just as well be intended simply as an inspirational quote for herself and others. It was a great quote, and a very nice picture btw.

    I do not know Stina other than through this blog so I have no way of knowing if she is somehow uncommonly "bad behaving" or if she has gone against expectations and norms applicable to her to any large extent - it is all very individual what we feel that is expected from us so it is hard to tell.

    I think most of us can relate to having sometimes gained a lot from going against the advice or opinion of someone close to us that we normally listen to. I do not think Stina is exactly referring to breaking the law, which is usually not something that is very positive (but it depends - not all laws in all countries at all times are morally just and depening on the situation the right thing may be to disregard them) - but I think all of us, especially women, have so many silly norms that weigh us down and maybe cause us to make decisions that are not what WE want but what is expected by those around us, caring more about what people think than what we truly want etc. is a common problem and I see the quote as an inspiration to follow our own hearts, instincts and minds and care less about what others think. This might lead us to become great revolutinaries who change the world or maybe simply to pick a different direction professionally or at university than that our parents wish us to pick, or marry the man that we love rather than mr. good on paper, whatever. Or why not - become a stay at home mother in Sweden where you are expected to go back to work (like Sweden), or to go back to work although you have a small child at home in a society where you are expected to be a stay at home mum. Small revolutions in our regular lives.

    MK

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