I'm sitting in front of the computer, having a sip of some Canadian maple syrup Whiskey (Sortilège) which is too good to be true and going through some of the pictures in my hard disk.
What an adventure I've had the last five years. So much has happen, so many changes, it's hard to keep track. From getting a divorce 2010 to being completely swept away by a man from Switzerland just a couple of month after and getting pregnant just a couple of month after that, to having our first child and moving to Zürich and becoming unpredictable pregnant again. Being a home mother ot two small boys in a new country and after a while buying a house in Sweden out of the blue when we were more heading to Asia in our thoughts. Starting to work again and understanding what a privilege it is to LOVE the job your doing. Plus experience how it is to combining motherhood with a career. It's truly a roller coster and no one has in mind what the future can bring.
We've had soooo many ups, but also sooo many downs which I can not speak about here in this blog, but life is like that, it goes in flows of positive and negative and one has to learn what good the negative eventually brings. In Kabbalah, which I was practising so much many years before and still do when I have the time, we say that it's the meaning of life, to be able to realise and see the light in the darkest of rooms and not let it take out your inner fire.
During the morning after New Year I decided to sum up some thoughts I should have in mind for the 2015, some resolutions if you want to call them that. It's important to stay focused and be in control of whatever you can in life.
- Continue as often as I can to do Pilates and eat good food.
- Let my hair grow a little and maybe dye it slightly darker if I don't get to bored during the time being.
- Have something to look forward to every month.
- Do the best out of the everyday life which so very easily sneaks into be only a family life.
- Give more of myself as a woman to my man and not just be a mother.
- Travel. Sometimes with the kids even if they still are very small.
- Continue to grow as a human being and demand just as much from myself as I sometimes do from others.
- Trying to accept that we live in Sweden. At least for this time being. Sweden has so much to offer but I do have a hard time living here and can't stand the cold, the darkness and the greyness during at least six month. I'm in love with our house though which is good since I'm most often at home.
- Stay and grow in my positivism.
- Give more of myself to those who I really like and enjoy. Give less of myself to the rest.
- Continue to be very abstract to everything technical such as computers, smartphones, stupid television programs etc. This last year I've hardly watch real TV, only chosen interesting films during nights. I try to not answer emails, sms etc during the day, but for decided certain time during night. I don't want to be distracted from life itself and the natural flow of thoughts and visions that comes when you're not constantly abrupt by vibrations from your phone. I find that so many are completely obsessed with their phones and internet and I strongly despite that. Life is what you have in the reality, what you can touch and taste, the people you have in real and the other more "pretentious" world that goes on in all of these technicalities destroys us as grown ups not to talk about our children, their imagination and possibility to play and just be children with a natural boredom from time to time. I find that I'm much more creative and do much more in real life when I'm not occupied by constant impressions from other people posting just pictures after pictures from things that most often lacks meaning or bring something developing into my life. I do look at it too, but try to control it as much as I can and chose those who actually bring me something. My children have no iPads and do not watch television. Alexis watch a nice film after dinner for an hour or so. Again, information and education have lead me to this conclusion for my own life, my family's life and my children's life and it's normally only laziness or lack of energy to be with our young one which makes us put them be in front of an iPad hour after hour during daytime. I've been chocked many times, children with iPads or phones when they are six month old and toddlers in a pram? They don't need that sort of constant "going on". What about taking in the surrounding and the environment we're living in? What about having a constant interaction and talk to your children? I think it's sick and sad. We have so much to teach our children and all the necessary use of all technical stuff will come into their life anyhow by school, kindergarden etc. We've decided to make our home another type of zone even if it demands much more of us as parents just just dropping them of with something that just feeds them with something from a Mac store. A long post short. Be very selective and when top bosses and people who work in the inner sight of computers and smartphones wont let it into their own home nor children, it must be for a very clear reason. Do your research.
- Give. Give. Give. Love, compassion, understanding, your time or whatever in life you can be generous with. But step down your foot when necessary. Never take shit from anyone.