Okay, what's hunting me?
First I need to say that I'm truly honoured, grateful and so humble to have all of you loyal readers and followers throughout these years. We've shared so much together, sometimes the comments and the interaction between us all is what I long for the most. I have some sincerely intelligent, world citizens collected in you guys and I get inspired by the life and the comments you so kindly share. I know It sometimes takes a week before I respond to the comments. I apologize for it, my strive is to do it every second day, but we can't always do what we feel like and time is for me something fragile and less of.
Many of us is constantly striving to feel better and to be happy. We're running around in circles trying to find love, more time, happiness and balance and looking for ways to do whatever there is that can make us feel all of the mentioned. While desperately searching for something to fulfil us, the more we get lost and not too seldom, loose the whole point of living. Balance, love, health, happiness will never be found in things you look for. It will suddenly show up the day you decide to slow down and filter out everything that distract the mental peace.
We all search for balance, but truth is that balance isn't anything searchable. It's something that comes automatically when the mind, heart, soul, body is in a beautiful symbiosis with each other and that seldom comes out of things we might think it comes from. It most certainly doesn't come from needs to fit in or being constantly manipulated by others peoples pretentious happiness.
It comes from nothing complicated. It comes from a feeling that you live a TRUE life with TRUE meaning. It makes itself visible when you let loose of everything destructive and surrender yourself to the simplicity of just being. A respectful person, a mentor in your own life. Without the abruption of constant distractions to your brain and mind. It comes from silence and moments when you do absolutely nothing then realising how free and relaxed you feel from the world around you right there, right now. When your actions in life stand by the fundamental values you firmly know is correct.
This post probably wont come as an surprise for all of you who been around me some years. I hope you all know by now, that behind some photos of a woman and parts of her life, there's something more. With a greater depth and a need to observe, write, analyze, change, get better and develop. To sum it up, I would go as far to say it's the main core with me, the human being, living and a long journey of the body and soul. To stand up for the possibility to be you, not anyone else. And to always be sceptic to things that doesn't really feel absolutely accurate inside your belly.
Humans, our brain and the power of us has always fascinated me. I realised far earlier then many, the strong impact our thoughts had on our reality. The Law of Attraction was nailed inside of me before it even became a book so many read and started living by. I early wrote regular about the energies and the law of universe in a daily life and how to think to attract certain things in your path and i did so, because i had a urge to also spread some form of inspiration, a sense of meaning, rather then just posting a picture with unusable information.
When i started blogging, there was a few really good ones out there, built out of quality and the need to create something for readers in the cyber world to take part of. Not like today, where there's just so much of everything, one gets tired just trying to find the gold among all the rest.
Unfortunately today, most people are fine with being just observers, turning into copy cats and they don't understand the great advantage it is to be unique, free in mind, open minded where you strive to really find yourself and work hard not be a follower, more a leader of the life we all are blessed to own. Too many are just trying to be/dress/write/do thing in a way like so many others, originality is hard and unique to find. Anxiety might be the cause of this, we genuinely love ourselves too little to dare doing things the rest don't.
The things is, I often question this sorts of revealing it means, being an author of something exposed to the world as a blog is. Especially today when there's so much of everything. I'm a person with a strong integrity, that dislike people who just take after others and as a conclusion, doesn't think for themselves. I don't like mainstream or when people just become a reflection of someone else and this world is built on the belief of unreal safety or yet again, anxiety, the fear to not fit in or achieve what everyone else has. It feels like the humans are just cloned from a pack of people which dress/think/are/talk like everyone around. I mean, what's interesting with that? It's just so obvious and It gets me depressed feeling those vibrations to close. That's why I try not to confront me with more of that then I absolute have to in my everyday life. Because it makes me all confused and I start doubting the humanity and what we are here for. The world is narcissistic and very egoistic. Me, me, me and me. A complete need to be seen. Again, I know i'm a part of it but I'm also aware and doubt its greatness.
I don't like how sick this world has become with all these blogs and Instagrams, iPads and smartphones. It actually disguises me and I do feel I'm on a such important journey in my inner self and spirit and this is destroying us as humans. I see it everywhere, wide and clear. Nothing is new, everything is already shown and done. I mean how many outfits and females trying to pose like a model do we need? With no substance behind it. Just showing off something that is shown in more or less the same way by thousand others? It's such a brutal world of people who wants to be seen and witnessed, I find it has gone bananas and I reject it. Maybe not always in person (since I do write this blog), but in my quite mind I am in a war with myself and what I see and sometimes take part of.
So my thoughts are all messed up and yet I do it. Write this blog. Why? The question in my head is more present then the opposite I can assure you.
So why do I continue? I guess simply because I've done it for almost ten years, it became such a normal part of my life and there's still a small side of me who likes the process of it. When I feel like I'm doing it for the right cause. Many things in this world is too beautiful and too lovely not to capture in a photo. And what shall I do with all photos if no one can observe them? I also have a daily need to create, too write and express myself in some form. But the trouble of finding a balance, coming up the the answer to the question why I am part of something I often dislike, troubles me. I rather post nothing when I have to go through phases like this then post something just because of. Quality always goes before quaintity. Except for time with children. There quantity always goes before quality when we're talking about the general presence.
It's a bitter sweet fact when I post a small corner of my new Walk in Closet in Instagram and there's some Hermés boxes and it gets insanely many likes, while when I write something small of actual value, it gets maybe 150 likes. That conclusion is - what in life do we value? Someone show a close up of a designer bag and the world of likes goes bananas.
Why are we seeking so much approval and confirmation of other people? To the extend that we live parts of our lives reading about someones else's. That many scroll on Instagram accounts for probably a couple of hours (I don't and haven't been doing so for almost a year) per day when putting it together. I'm taught that the we are greater as individuals then getting stuck in patterns and routines that doesn't bring us anything of great, strong value. Because we are here and should analyse everything, specially when it's so adapted by so many so fast. It's scary how easily we get used to new ways of just giving our time and ourselves away.
And what does all of these pictures really bring us? It's just another way of distracting us from who we really are in ourselves which in a way is impossible to find out if all you do is looking at other peoples life. Everyone is just trying to look like someone else, taking inspiration and putting it directly into their own life even though the original idea is stolen from another person. Honestly, what's cool with that? And do you feel better when you've been inspired by all of this? Probably not, it most certainly just makes you feel like you want more of the materialistic and luxurious world and that everyone else is living a greater life then you are.
If we would get more then just artificial things, maybe I would get it, but it really just distract us. How many outfits, selfies, pouting with the lips, Birkins, Chanel shoes, outfits, Svensk Tenn Dagg vase, Celine bags, stileben of expensive details can we see before it's enough? Is it really that amazing? No it's not. It's just copies of everything, over and over again. Same things in multiple versions.
Haven't anyone seen or taking advantage of anything more real? Things that bring you something worth living for, that will challenge you, progress you and change your mind to something more fascinating or interesting? Inspiration that will take you on another journey, one no Instagram accounts or blogs can ever generate? That comes out of the true interaction of people and meetings, of energies and atmospheres?
You see, I am very honest and frank with myself as a person and I don't take bullshit from anyone, least not from myself. I analyze my own way of acting and my behavior to the inch of my toes. So I question why I do it strongly.
If I get criticism, I might stand up for my own mind and feelings, but yet I take it all in and try to see the situation as objective as I can and every time I learn something by it and feel I'm humble for learning more about myself and my flaws, so I can do better when I know better. So naturally I hate when it feels like I'm in a conflict in my own head, when what I do doesn't reflect what I think because I don't approve of the attention seeking society I see so much around us. Therefor I sometimes come into these phases, where It all feels like a circus and I feel like I'm more intelligent (most of us are) that just accepting it and know too much then being a part of it all myself. At times I want to shut my public life down, if not for a clear and relevant reason, but to be a role model for something I believe in. To show that even If have many benefits from it and love it in a way, it's not who I am and what I stand for. I think it is crazy in many ways and I can't help myself feeling sometimes ashamed. Life though has taught me to always dig deep into myself before I even open my mouth about others and think greater of my intellectual then to judge something strong and verbal when I have a foot inside it myself. That's the problem in all of this, and that's why i need to write this post. To tell you all that I'm aware of the fact that I'm a big part of this myself, either I like it or not, but it hunts me.
For me blogging has always been about captivating beauty and life in one way or another. To give out something of greatness. It's the clear reason why I love to blog when I travel, lived abroad or when the weather and environment is tempting and gives you something out of ordinary. I could't be more bored of everyday life and take very little pleasure of seeing it in millions of blogs and Instagram accounts with no respect for the picture, the art it should be publishing things to be exposed for so many. I truly think and fear we get stupid by all of the unreal fragments of impressions we, without a though behind, let the mind and brain take part of. Very few of us uses a sharp and sceptic filter, we just feed the mind with whatever crap there is in front of us. We have and give us no time for boredom and flows, the natural energies that comes out of nothing when the thoughts runs without distraction or continues breaks. All we see is things and things.
I know many likes it, they say they do it when they haven't anything else to do. But why do we need to have something to do all the time? I have to question it. I can't get it? Do we feel alone if we don't? Like everyone is part of something we aren't? Is our own reward system so use to daily positive feedback from what could be said as quite meaningless smilies and symbols with a short comment of some nice word which often actually has no pureness behind it, isn't that rather sick that we seek it so much?
I try to take part of all of this as little as possible and it's a choice I did a time back. It's the reason why i hardly read any blogs (except my friends) and those few I give a couple of times per month to read through properly, they are always something unique with an artistic influence that I demand. Like a good book and you stop reading it with a wonderful feeling inside of you. Like you want to concur the world and do great things.
Life and what we nurture it with should not just be accepted, improvised - it should be chosen, we should go through everything that exist and never settle for random things to just follow and watch. It's maniac. It should only take of our time and thoughts because we think its really worth it. Maybe you do think is pleasant at the time, but does it give you anything long term? If it do give you great things, then please continue, if it doesn't, then honestly, think about what you could get from life if you didn't give all your precious time it demands watching over something with no relevance.
The filter need to be stronger. Because cultural things, and blogs and Instagrams could be seen as being part of a cultural phenomenon of the 20-th century, are meant to enhance us in one way and wider our mind, not make us feel like we're just taking part of the mass. The exclusivity is for me no longer what you do show, rather everything that you don't show. Just like exclusivity is for me rather to not always be available, but to communicate when you will settle time for being present. Time is more precious then that. We need to be selective. We need to use our intelligence and question everything that is a mass-behaivior. Very much for the simple fact that everything nowadays is overexposed, overused, nothing is secret or exciting when it's everywhere. Neither places, clothes, things or quotes. We have to judge ourselves and see how sick the world are in a way.
I often wonder what will happen with all of those young people growing up in this era of life. That grow through likes in a internet/phone world that isn't real. When you are so use to feedback, how will your life be impacted a day when you no longer get it? Will you feel like you've fallen? That you are no longer anyone?
I questions all of this so much, you ave no idea. Every time I post something that in my mind has no direct value, I feel like I'm too good for this. That i'm eating a huge bag of candy even if I know it's doing me no good at all. That I've taken part of something that's for many got out of hand. Because even If I am part of it also, it is so stupid, we can't just accept what has become. We have become observers of others life instead of voyagers of a life in reality.
I hope you understand my lack of precence sometimes and my absent better? I wish I wasn't this complicated and could go on doing this without any thoughts behind it like most do, but that's not who I am unfortunatly.
I won't stop blogging, I wish I could do it much better though where focus is even more in the artistic work and beauty with constant reminders of the true meaning of life. One day perhaps, when I have more time again.
We're all in this, but at least we need to stand by the awareness that this is not sane, it will never fulfill us or make us better as humans or finding the things in life that will bring us love, happiness, balance and time - most things that we need to be in peace with ourselves. It will never teach you how to love yourself or strengthen the realization of the capacity we all have inside of us when we listen to our own small inner voice that whisper so quietly it can only be heard in silence from everything else distracting us from being our true spirit.
I will do my best to stay outside of this yet with a foot inside like always. We can't neglect the reality in our society but we can't just do what everyone else is doing just because they do it. You understand what I mean? Often I feel like many would sell their soul, just to be exposed and seen wherever and in whatever. That' can never be healthy.
Have a wonderful day and please reflect over your own behavior, good things comes out of changing. I don't expect us all to stop using things in media, but if you're grown up enough you need to keep this in mind. For your own life and the life you're reflecting to your children.